Drained by your relationship?

Have you ever felt drained by your partner? Like everything you do is neither noticed or acknowledged? You feel like you have been taken for granted and receive nothing in return?

This symptom usually indicates there is an imbalance in giving and taking. I can already hear you saying: "Sure! I already know what that is about! You are not telling me anything new!" I agree. BUT... here is the secret sauce... there are some tells that allow us to see where giving and taking is not just about about loving and giving everything you've got. Its about reciprocation, a full exchange, where each gives a little more each time there is an exchange. 

When giving and taking are not balanced. relationships will suffer unless corrections are made to the two behaviours mentioned above. ​

Here is what it looks like when it is not healthy:

​Fasting:   

1. This person refuses to take.   
   ​RESULT:  This person may feel empty and depressed over time. 

Helping:

1. This person gives and gives and gives.   
   RESULT:  This person may develop a sense of entitlement, may feel exhausted and eventually become resentful and bitter. Also those who are forced to take and take and take, may feel indebted, and may even eventually leave.

What to do with someone who fasts or helps too much? 
This is where it gets tricky. Beliefs around giving and taking may prevent a person from not taking or worse, make them give too much. Previous childhood experiences may have something to do with it where they may have had a dangerous parent, or they were bullied at school. It could also have to do with feeling safe, and their experience of relationships e.g. did they keep their friends, lose their person etc. 

When it really is too much to handle... 
If the behaviour is starting to damage a relationship, make someone feel uncomfortable or causes them to want to leave the the relationship, then its time to see a counsellor.  You can also attend Belief Busters at the LECNA Community Centre this Tuesday evening at 7pm to learn more about giving and taking in relationships. SMS Nikki Ward on 0417 435029 to book in.